I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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