Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
