Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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