It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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