Yo dont text me then not text me
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize