Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Life is so much better after having sex.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i black out too much to be "responsible"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
