I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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