you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
