It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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