Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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