I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
