Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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