yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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