Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize