i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
