Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
