census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
