people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize