I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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