Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
