I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
