Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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