I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
