I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
