He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
