Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
