hell yes lets make some ravioli
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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