We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
