Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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