My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
