I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
