if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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