Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
