absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
