I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
