i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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