Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
that is very illegal...i love you.
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