Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Is Oprah even human
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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