you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
