do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Is Oprah even human
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
