You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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