i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
