The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
