I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
