VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
