he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize