My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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