just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
