i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
