how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize