You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I have post one night stand depression
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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