Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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