I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
