Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
