paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
