O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
