my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I don't deserve a penis
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
