Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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