You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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