I never want to see another naked old woman again.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I could fuck to npr.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
