we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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