I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
