Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
