All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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