my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Green mimosas i think yes
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
