You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
