we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
