I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
