hell yes lets make some ravioli
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Randomize
