I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
