Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
