you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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