so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The feeling are messing with the penis
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
