he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize