were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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