I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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