no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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