It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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