I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
