totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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