it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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